


Wrong

by sam_bird



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Eddie Kaspbrak Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Disaster Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Disaster Richie Tozier, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pansexual Stanley Uris, Sad Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad Stanley Uris, Self-Harm, Stanley Uris Needs a Hug, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21840358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_bird/pseuds/sam_bird
Summary: There's always been something off about Eddie and Daniel's relationship. Richie just thought he was jealous of the two of them, but when Eddie starts skipping out on hanging with the Losers, he realizes something is definitely wrong.*The year is 1997, they're 21 years old**Just to clear up any confusion, this IS my story, but it's also on Wattpad*
Relationships: Ben Hanscom & Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh/Original Female Character(s), Bill Denbrough & Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	1. •1•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠   
> Abuse

*Eddie's POV*

I whimpered as Daniel walks towards me. 

"N-no p-please, I'm s-sorry Dan!" 

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" he screams as he throws me into the wall. I fell to the ground sobbing. 

"You worthless piece of shit!" I hear him mumble and grab a knife from his back pocket. 

"N-no..." Not again. This was always the worst. But it's ok, I know he loves me. He really does. He says he's trying to help me. To show me what happens when I make a mistake. 

I'm barely conscious when he lifts up my shirt to show dozens of cuts, most new, some old. He starts carving into my gut again, making one more mark for one more mistake. 

I wake up the next morning with him cuddling me and telling me how much he loves me, and I feel happy again. Last night, he just got mad. That's all. No need to be concerned. No need to leave. 

*Richie's POV*

Holy shit, I'm so in love with Eddie. 

I thought that for the first time 8 years ago when he stormed into my room through the window. 

"They're gazebos! I can't fucking believe it, I'm not even sick!" He looked like a little chipmunk with his squeaky voice and little shaking body. I laughed and tried to explain that his meds are placebos, but he kept calling them gazebos. 

Now, here I am, thinking it once again as he walks up to my apartment for the Losers Friday Potluck Dinner. The only difference is that now he has a boyfriend. 

"Hey Richie." he says and waves to me. 

"Why hello there Spaghetti Head!" 

"Beep beep Richie," he says and glares at me. "I brought some salmon." I fake gag. 

"That's disgusting, fish swim in their own pee!" I joke around with him a lot, but today, his face goes red and he looks down at his shoes. 

"S-sorry Richie..." I tilt his chin up. 

"Hey, Eds. I'm just messing with ya." He nods, but I don't think he believes me. 

"Right. I'm gonna go put this inside." He scoots by me with his head still looking down. 

•°• 

By the end of the night, I'm glad I live here because I do NOT trust myself to drive right now. I'm waaayyyy too drunk. Eddie and Mike are a little tipsy, but not too bad. Bev and Ben are making out in the corner, and I can't tell if that's because they drank too much or not. I can tell when Bill gets drunk, because he gets super flirty. Stan doesn't like to drink, and prefers to be the designated driver. 

"Heyyy Stan," Bill turns to his boyfriend with lust in his eyes. We've all seen this before, and Bill is always embarrassed the next day. I take out my camera and start recording. Bill turns to me. "How about Stan and I take that camera and head into the guest room." He tries to grab my camera but ends up falling face first onto the floor.

"Holy shit!" Stan laughs and picks up his very drunk boyfriend. 

"Mmm so strong." Bill says. "Carry me into the bedroom!" 

Bev and Ben look up from their make out session once they hear that. They turn to us and start cracking up. Mike is dying at his seat and Eddie has tears of laughter running down his cheeks. 

"I think it's time for us to go home." Stan says, still laughing. 

"Oooh are we going home to," Bill tries to wink but fails. He just ends up blinking very dramatically. "Make love."

"Get in the car, I'll be out in a minute." Stan nudges Bill off of his lap and Bill stumbles out of my house and into the car. I turn off the camera and Stan walks over to me. 

"Show me that video tomorrow." 

"I will." I wink at him and he giggles again. 

Ben apparently isn't drunk, but Bev is, so he drives her home a couple minutes later, Mike leaving soon after. 

I look around, but I can't find Eddie. Maybe he snuck out and I didn't see? Oh well... 

I'm not really tired yet, so I sit down to watch Friends. The theme song starts up and I heard a clapping in tune to the theme from next to me. I see a blanket in the corner of the couch. I lift it up to see Eddie underneath it. 

"Eds? I thought you already left!" 

"Noooo I'm too tired." 

I laugh and put the blanket back over him. 

"Go to sleep Eds." 

A couple minutes later, I hear light snoring next to me. I smile down at him and kiss his forehead. 

"I love you Eddie."

*Eddie's POV*

I wake up the next morning, feeling great. Richie made me waffles and a cup of coffee, and he shows me the video from last night. I swear, it's funnier now that I'm sober. Last night was the best. Suddenly, everything hits me like a ton of bricks. 

Daniel. 

"I got to go Richie, thanks for breakfast, bye!" I ran outside and start my car, quickly speeding back to my house. 

I pull into the driveway and everything becomes more real. I didn't come home last night. The only reason Dan let's me go to the Potlucks is because they end at 10. But I stayed the whole night. He's gonna be so pissed. 

I open the door slowly and walk in. Daniel is sitting in the dining room with his knife on the table, stating at me. 

"You didn't come home." he growls and I fold into myself. I started trying to explain, but he cuts me off. "SHUT IT! You disobeyed me. You know what happens now." 

Dan grabs the knife and walks towards me. He doesn't bother lifting up my shirt, he just slashes my stomach through the fabric. He pushes me to the floor and starts kicking my ribs. 

"You were hanging out with that Tozier kid, huh?"

"I-it wasn't l-like th-that!" 

He spits on me and punches the new cut, opening some of the more recent ones. 

"Don't talk back to me, you little shit!" 

I start sobbing and continue to take the hits. 

He just doesn't want me to break curfew again. He wants to make sure I'm safe. This is the only way that he knows I'll listen. It's ok. 

After about 20 more minutes of this, he leaves me crumpled up on the floor and walks upstairs. Before he goes, I hear him mutter something. 

"No food for the entire weekend fatass."


	2. •2•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Implied rape  
> Self harm

*Eddie's POV*

6 meals. That's an entire weekend worth of food. That's how many meals I skipped. That's how many meals I had to make for Daniel. That's how many meals I had to watch him eat, while not having any food for myself. 

Then it was 9 meals. Daniel smirked when I said I "wasn't hungry" on Monday. 

"Good." he muttered and shoveled eggs into his mouth. I just sat quietly across from him. When he threw the plate into the sink, I flinched, terrified of the sudden noise. Daniel chuckled. 

"See? Now you're aware of everything around you. I'm helping you, and it's paying off!" 

I nodded frantically. He's just trying to help me. That's all. He loves me, I swear. 

12 meals. I don't plan on eating at all today. I'm actually not hungry. I don't have an appetite after last night. 

I was making him dinner, homemade mac & cheese, when I knocked over the bag of shredded cheese. I could feel all the blood drain from my face and I started cleaning quickly. I felt a big hand grab my shoulder and turn me around. 

"Eddie." he said with ice in his voice. 

"I'm r-real s-sorry Dan, I didn't mean t-to!" I tried pleading with him as he dragged me up the stairs and into our bedroom. 

"N-no, p-please Danny!" He only did this when he was really mad. I deserved it though, I messed up. 

I shut up after he started undressing me. I knew I couldn't stop him now. 

So, when morning rolled around, I saw an ice pack and a note next to me. 

I forgot to make a cut last night, make one yourself. I'll be checking. 

They used to be little love letters. It would show me that he cared, and that he loved me. He would write things like "I love you hun" or "I bought you flowers, they're downstairs". Now, it's always threatening messages. 

I shuddered and grabbed the knife from his drawer. I cut a deep gash in my stomach then stared at my arms. 

I stood up and walked to the bathroom still holding the knife, blood starting to drip down my stomach. I climbed into the bathtub and start cutting my wrists. 

This felt so amazing. Like I finally have some control over the pain in my life. I need to cut, it makes me feel better, and when Daniel sees the scars, he says that at least I know what I deserve. 

I tear my hand away from my wrist and look down at the cuts. There's too many to count. I start to feel light headed, but I don't care, I just go to work on my other arm. I barely get to 10 cuts before I heard a pounding on my front door. 

"Ey, is there a Mr. Spaghetti here? Edward Spaghetti?" I hear an awful New Jersey accent say. Richie. 

At first I'm relieved. I haven't been able to see him since Saturday morning and now it's Tuesday. And I only got to see him briefly for breakfast. 

But then reality sets in. I'm bruised up and down, my arms gushing blood. Richie can't see me right now. 

"Richie, why are you here?" 

"What, can't a guy visit his friend of almost 10 years?" 

"Not right now, no! Rich, you gotta go."

"Why?" I can tell his voice is laced with concern, but I can't calm him down right now. 

"I got a stomach bug and I could get you sick!" 

"Fine," he sighs. "But call me when you feel better, ok?" And with that, he's gone. 

It's weird, as much as I don't want him to see me, I wish he'd stayed. I wish he had said 'Screw it, I don't care if I get sick' and walked upstairs. I wish he had seen me, and I would have to tell him everything. And he could tell me that it's gonna be ok and that I'll be fine. Then he'd hold me in his arms and hug me until we both fall asleep. And then Danny would come home. And Richie would yell at him and beat the shit out of him. And then we'd leave, head back to his apartment, watch Friends and cuddle. And we'd call up the Losers and they'd come and make everything better. And I could finally be happy again. 

But that's not what happens. What happens is that Richie leaves me, not thinking too much of it. What happens is that I keep cutting. What happens is that I pass out. Daniel doesn't come home for another 7 hours. He walks into the bathroom to see me bleeding out in the tub. He calls 911, but he doesn't cry. Not even a little bit.


	3. •3•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Talk about self harm

*Bill's POV*

"Hey, Bill!" I heard Stan yell from our kitchen. 

"Wh-what's up?" I ask, walking out of our room and towards my boyfriend. 

He looked at me and smirked. I gave him a confused look and he blinked dramatically at me. Of course he's reminding me of the Potluck Dinner again, that's all he's been doing since. 

"I hate you!" I giggle. I was so drunk on Friday... 

"You love me, shut up." Stan says and wraps his lanky arms around me. As soon as his wrists touch me, he winces. Not again... 

"St-stan..." Damn it. My stutter only comes out when I'm sad, anxious or angry. Knowing Stan, he'll probably think I'm angry, and blame himself. 

"Bill, I'm sorry, it was a couple days ago, I promise I've been feeling better, I'm so sorry Bill-" He kept rambling on and on, but I cut him off. 

"St-stan, it's o-ok. I j-just d-don't want y-you t-to b-be hurt, ok?" 

He nodded and I could see tears forming in his eyes. 

"Let's j-just go w-watch Friends, yeah?" 

He nodded again and we walked to the living room. I got our taping of last week's episode and popped it in. I cuddled against Stan and the mood of the room instantly felt lighter. 

*Stan's POV*

Oh god, he's probably so mad at me. I promised him I would come to him when I felt like cutting, but I didn't. And now he hates me. Why'd I have to ruin everything?! 

And I was doing so good too! Almost 3 months clean- that's the best I've ever been. I just hate myself so much, and it's so hard to get out of a habit like this. 

I started cutting that summer we met Bev, Ben and Mike. When Bill turned against me after the first time at Neibolt, I felt like my whole world was crashing down. I loved him then, and I love him now. But I thought he hated me. My bar mitzvah was in 2 weeks, but I still had to learn some stuff. My dad kept telling me what a disappointment I was, and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I cut. 

8 years later, I'm still doing it. Bill told me that nothing my dad said was true, but it is true. I'm everything he said I was, and more. He used to tell me that the only reason he didn't hit me was because he's Jewish, and that'd be sinful. But that changed once I pulled my stunt at the bar mitzvah. 

"I'm a loser. And I always fucking will be."

I remember storming out of the synagogue with Richie applauding me. That night, my dad beat me for the first time. It didn't stop after that. 

For the next 5 years, until I was 18, he would hit me and tell me things. But as soon as I could move out, I did. We all did. We needed to get away from our parents, so we moved out to one of the islands surrounding Maine. There's a nice little town called Bar Harbor and that's where we decided to go. I love it here, it's incredible. Over the summer, we all go down to Sand Beach and swim, just like how we hung out at the Quarry. 

The only thing is that nobody knows about my dad. I never told them. The day after my bar mitzvah, Richie came up to me and asked if I got into any trouble. I told him that I got yelled at, but that's all. Nobody knows, and nobody can know. They'd just feel sorry for me. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts as Bill looks up at me. I glance at the tv and see that the episode ended. 

"Are y-you sure y-you're o-ok Stan? I d-don't want y-you t-to be hurting and y-you feel l-like you have t-to hide it from m-me."

Of course I'm hurting! But I'm not telling Bill that. He wouldn't understand. 

"I'm fine Bill, really." I grin down at him and he gives me a small smile. 

"Good," he says standing up. "Because I'm going to invite the Losers over! I think it's time we hang out again." He walks over to the other side of the living room and picks up the phone.

After little while, he's called almost everyone. Richie's already here since he lives the closest to us. 

"May I have the honor of calling the Spaghetti Man?" he asks Bill using an awful accent. Bill hands him the phone and calls Eddie's cell. 

I could hear a gruff voice answer. It wasn't Eddie's, but it wasn't Daniel's. 

"Hello, this is Dr. Mathews. I'm afraid Edward has been hospitalized."

"What?! Why?" Richie screamed, his voice laced with concern. 

"I'd rather not explain over the phone. I assume you know the address to MDI Hospital?" It's the only hospital in Bar Harbor, which deeply concerned Eddie when we first moved here. 

"Yeah, we're on our way." Richie hung up the phone and ran out the door, Bill and I following close behind.


	4. •4•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Abuse  
> Talk of self harm

*Eddie's POV*

I woke up with Daniel's angry, bright red face staring down at me. 

"What the hell?!" he growled. "You know the rules. If you're going to cut, you have to make sure you don't pass out! Because now you're at MDI and everyone is asking about the bruises! Dumbass!" he hissed at me, keeping his voice down. I whimpered. 

"I'm sorry Danny, I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care if you meant it or not, it still happened! As soon as we get home, you're getting punished, got it?" I nodded my head reluctantly. 

Just then, the Losers burst into the room. 

"Eds! What happened?!" Richie said, running up to me. I looked over at Daniel, but he was already gone. I know he hates the Losers and always tries to stay away. So it's not a surprise that he left. 

I turned to Richie and the other Losers. They looked so worried, but I don't know why. They shouldn't care about me, I'm useless and ugly and pathetic and worthless and-

"Eddie?" Bev asked. "What's going on?" I didn't know what to say, so I looked down.

"Can Eddie and I have a moment alone?" I heard Stan ask. Everyone walked out and I heard Stan sit down in the chair next to my hospital bed. 

"Ok Eddie, I'm going to show you something that only Bill knows about, ok?" He took a deep breath in and rolled up his sleeves. Dozens upon dozens of cuts covered his arms. 

"Wh-... What? Why?"

"So you know how my dad got mad at me after my bar mitzvah?" I nodded. Even though only Richie went, they still told us how badass Stan was. Stan said that his dad yelled at him, but it was worth it. "Well, that night, he started abusing me. It stayed with me, all of the words that he said to me, all of the punches he threw. So, ever since I was 13, I've cut myself." 

"Stan..." I whispered and hugged him tightly. Out of all of the Losers, I was the only one who deserved to cut. I don't want any of them to be in pain. 

"When I saw you acting kinda skittish at the Potluck, and then the doctors told us you lost a lot of blood, I assumed that's what you did too, right? You cut yourself too deep?" I didn't dare look at Stan when I nodded my head. I heard him let out a shaky sigh. 

"Was it on purpose? Were you-... were you trying to kill yourself?" 

"No! Well... not really. I was just trying to give myself what I deserved. And if I killed myself in the process? Oh well." I muttered and Stan instantly gave me a hug. 

"Eddie, you don't deserve this, I promise you. You're loved and appreciated and cared about. I know your mom was a dick to you, but she doesn't matter. Just think about the Losers and Dan! We all love you! None of us want you to get hurt." he tried to reassure me everything was going to be ok, but I just started to cry. Yeah, the Losers and Danny love me, but Dan definitely wants me to get hurt. 

I know he says he does it because he loves me, but what if he doesn't? 

No. He does. I'm sure of it. He has to! Why else would he put up with me and all of my mistakes if he doesn't love me? 

I shake that thought out of my head and refocus my attention on Stan, who has been telling me reassuring things for a little while now. 

"Can we have a turn talking to the Spaghetti Head, Stan?" Richie asked as he and the other Losers walked back into the room. Stan quickly pulled down his sleeves and wiped his eyes. 

"Yeah, come on in." 

"So Eds, they're treating you all right in here?" Richie asked and sat down on the end of my bed. 

"Yeah," I nodded. "And don't call me Eds. Or Spaghetti Head."

"What am I supposed to call you, Eddie? That's so bland! What about Edward, it's super fancy." Richie added his "rich person" accent to his last sentence. I laughed, but hoped he wouldn't call me Edward. It's what Danny calls me when he's really mad. It just brings back too many bad memories. 

"That's even worse." I said with a chuckle, hoping the suggestion was a joke. 

"Anyways, you're very lucky Eddie Spaghetti!" I blushed at the nickname, glad he wasn't calling me Edward. "When Bill called me, I decided to bring over some movies to watch. Sooooo, we can watch them here!" 

He lifted up the BEST movies of all time- Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice and Heathers. The best part about all of them was obviously Winona Ryder. 

She's only 3 years older than us, and I'm insanely jealous of her. I mean, she got to act alongside Johnny Depp and Christian Slater! They're so hot, and so is she. I would go straight for Winona. 

Honestly, Lydia Deetz is relatable. All of the Losers quote her constantly, even though the movie came out 9 years ago. 

Richie popped in the taping of Heathers first. We practically knew all of the lines by heart. JD was about to poison Heather Chandler when the doctor came back into the room. Everyone left and he came over the check my bandages and to make sure I was stable. 

Once the Losers were out of the room, Daniel walked back in. He waited in the corner until the doctor left. The Losers didn't come back in after seeing Danny, knowing he probably wanted some alone time with his boyfriend. 

"Are you ok now?" he asked in a surprisingly caring voice. 

"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now Dan." I smiled up at him. He leaned in to give me a kiss and I closed my eyes. 

Instead of feeling a kiss, I felt a sharp pain as his hand hit my face. My eyes popped open and I saw him glare down at me. 

"Don't act so cheery, you piece of shit. You know what you did was wrong. You can leave now, so I told those losers outside that you need some rest. We're going straight home." 

I nodded and looked down.

"I already signed us out, let's go." 

He grabbed my wrist tightly, making me wince, and dragged me out of the room. 

The entire car ride, I was apologizing. I tried to tell Danny that I didn't mean to cut that deep. He wouldn't listen to me. Once he parked the car in our driveway, he turned to me, rage in his eyes. 

"Get upstairs. Now. I'll be in there soon."

I whimpered and got out of the car. As I walked into the house and up to our bedroom, I could only think one thing. 

I'm in deep shit.


	5. •5•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Abuse  
> Mention of eating disorder

I was already freaking out, but hearing Dan storm up the stairs made everything worse. I felt my breath start to speed up and I could tell I was getting a panic attack. 

I had messed up badly. And Daniel wasn't going to let me off the hook that easy. I flinched heavily when he slammed the door open. 

"You little shit! I can't fucking believe you just did that!" 

"I'm sorry Danny, I really am-"

"I love you so much, and that what you do to repay me?!" 

He really does love me. I know he does. Why would he say it if he wasn't true? 

To my surprise, he walked away. I thought this was going to be a lot worse, but I guess not... 

Nope, nevermind, he's back. I could see him holding something in his hand. I thought it was the knife, but that was still in the bathroom, and he had walked downstairs to get it. 

My heart stopped when I saw what it was. A lighter and a cigar. 

He light the cigar quickly and ripped off my shirt. I still had bandages on my stomach, but Dan took those off with ease. He held me down on my side and pressed the burning cigar down on my hip. 

I screamed out, the searing pain unfamiliar and terrible. Dan slapped me across the face. 

"Shut it, slut!" 

Slut? I'd never done anything before I was with Dan, and the only reason I HAD done stuff was because he forced me to. Danny must've seen my confused expression because he explained, still holding the cigar in the same spot. 

"I see how you act around that Tozier kid. You obviously like him." he yelled and punched my stomach. Danny lit his cigar again and scorched a different part of my side. 

I squirmed beneath him impulsively and he slammed me down on the floor. 

"How hard is it to stay still?!" he screamed in my face. I could only whimper in response as he brought the cigar down to that second spot on my hip. 

"I'm marking you 5 times. One is for cutting too much. One is for flirting with Tozier. One is for you messing up everything. One is for you making noise and moving. And the last is just because I can." 

So, he burned me three more times. It still hurt just as much as the first two times, but I didn't complain. I had learned my lesson. 

After he was done burning me, he took a big puff of that damn cigar and blew the smoke into my face. I started coughing, hating the mix of chemicals in my face. But I didn't say anything. 

Danny kept kicking me and punching me for a while. He would tell me all, these awful things about myself, as if I didn't already know them and believe it. 

"You're worthless." Duh. 

"You're a waste of space!" Obviously. 

"You're a little shit!" What else is new? 

"Everyone hates you!" Yup, I know. 

"Human trash!" Tell me something I don't know. 

And it went on like this for hours. I didn't realize how mad he was. Danny normally goes for an hour, maybe adding an extra half hour if I was really shitty. But today?

2½. Fucking. Hours. 

At least he still loves me and still puts up with me. If Danny broke up with me and kicked me out, I don't know where I would go. I wouldn't want to intrude on any of the couples. Mike or Richie probably wouldn't mind me moving in though. 

Why am I even thinking about this?! I'm should be grateful that Dan deals with me, not planning who I would move in with if he dumped me. Which he won't do. He says he loves me too much. 

Call me crazy, but I'm starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, that might not be entirely true. 

*Richie's POV*

"Eddie and I are going home now, I'll tell him you say goodbye." Daniel says and walks into Eddie's hospital room. 

"What a grouch." I mutter and turn to leave. I already grabbed Heathers, so I'm all set to go. But something in my gut is telling me to stay. 

Of course, I don't listen to my gut. I just wanted to triple check Eddie is ok, because I love him more than anything in the world. 

So all of the Losers leave without saying bye to our best friend. I felt kinda bad just leaving him, but Daniel said he'd tell Eds we said bye. Still... 

I drove here with Stan and Bill, so I get into their car to go back to their house. The atmosphere in the car felt...off. Almost as if there was an elephant in the room that everyone was avoiding. But there wasn't anything wrong, right?

"Hey Stan?" Maybe he knew what was going on. 

"Yeah?" he said and turned to face me from his spot in the passenger's seat. 

"What did you and Eddie talk about?" 

"Oh, um," Stan's face turned red and he looked away. "I just wanted to make sure he was ok. And I thought if all of the Losers were surrounding him, he would feel too pressured and wouldn't say anything. So I wanted to talk to him alone. He's fine." 

"Oh," I guess that made sense, but something still felt off. "Ok then. What are we doing at your house?"

"I had an idea!" Bill joined in excitedly. "I was thinking we could make some treats for Eddie. Like cookies and brownies and stuff. I think we have supplies, right Stan?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah," Stan said. "That's a great idea hun."

Soon enough, all of the Losers, except for Eddie, arrived and Bill and Stan's house. 

*Stan's POV*

This is bad. Really bad. If Eddie's cutting himself, whose to say he isn't starving too? And if we force him to eat those brownies in front of everyone, he'll just get really nervous and scared. 

I was trying to figure out the best way to give them to Eddie without him getting upset when I felt a soft, powdery finger touch my nose. Bill, whose hands were covered in flour, booped me, covering my nose in it. 

"BILL!" I yelled and laughed. I picked up a little handful of flour and chucked it at him. Bill ducked and the mess hit Bev right in the ear. 

"You're dead Uris!" she cried and grabbed some sugar, running towards me. I yelped and make a break for the living room. Richie walked out of the bathroom at the same time and crashed into Bev, pouring the sugar on himself in the process. 

"What the hell Red?!" he laughed and pushed her. "I'm gonna get you for that!" He stormed back into the kitchen, grabbed an egg and ran back towards Bev. 

Unfortunately, his target was missed as he tripped on the carpet and the egg flew into the air. It landed with a satisfying crack... right on top of Mike's head. 

Yolk dripped down his face as Richie ran out the door, screaming. Mike bolted after him. The rest of us couldn't stop laughing as we walked outside to watch. 

Mike was wiping the egg on Richie and they both had tears streaming down their face from laughing so hard. 

"Fuck you Richard." Mike said as he got up and casually walked inside as if nothing happened.


	6. •6•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Mentions of: abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts
> 
> Eating disorder

*Eddie's POV*

"Ok. Bye Richie, see you soon!" I said then hung up the phone. 

What do I do, what do I do?! I can barely move after yesterday, but Richie just called and said the Losers made me something. 

I took a quick look in the mirror. Holy shit, I look like hell. My face is littered in bruises and cuts. Don't even get me started on my sides and stomach. At least Richie won't be able to see that. 

Richie said he'd be here in 20 minutes, which gives me just enough time to stop by the convenience store and get some concealer. I know I'll get weird looks for buying makeup, but I don't care about that right now. 

I drove over, trying not to speed down the street. I practically threw my money at the cashier and ran out of the store as soon as I got the concealer. 

I had barely smeared it on when I heard Richie knock on the door. 

"In a minute!" I said, my voice cracking. Hastily putting on the rest of the makeup, I walked down stairs and opened the door. 

Richie handed me a Tupperware filled to the brim with brownies, a huge grin on his face. 

"We made these for you, to help you feel better!" he blushed lightly and put them on the counter, then moved over to the living room. 

As good as the treats looked, I nearly puked at the thought of actually eating them. I'll just give them to Danny or throw them out. I sighed and walked over to Richie. 

"So what's up Spaghetti Head, you feeling better?"

No. I felt like shit. My boyfriend hits me and nobody knows. And I'm suicidal. And I cut. And I'm in love with you. 

I mean, a friend love. Like, I love all of the Losers in a different way than I love Danny. A platonic love. Obviously. 

"Eds...?" Richie said and grabbed my hand. "You ok there?" 

I flinched away from his touch instantly, which resulted in a concerned look from Richie. 

"Eddie," He never calls me Eddie unless he's being serious. "You can tell me anything."

I wanted to tell him what's going on, I really did. I wanted to just wipe off all of the concealer and show him everything. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. 

"Yeah Rich, I'm ok. Just thinking about stuff." I lied straight through my teeth. 

"Ok..." he said, obviously skeptical. "Wanna watch?" Richie lifted up Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands, the two movies we didn't watch at the hospital. 

"Yes!" I said grabbing them and slid in Beetlejuice first. 

When I got back to the couch, Richie had grabbed the brownies. Shit... 

•°• 

We were at the dinner party scene, and I hadn't even touched the food. Richie had seen some popcorn in the pantry and grabbed it. He'd eaten some of it and 3 brownies already. 

"Don't you want any Eds?"

"No, I'm ok. Thanks." 

"Are you sure? There's a lot left!" 

"I'm fine!" I snap at him. 

"Ok..." Richie said, backing off. 

"Rich.. I'm sorry, I'm just not hungry." 

*Richie's POV*

Something's up. Eds always has brownies, they're his favorite! That's why we made them, it's because he always eats them. 

When I saw him in the hospital, my heart dropped. I love him so much and it hurts me to see him hurting. And he's obviously hurting right now. 

But I can't pressure him into telling me either. I don't want him to get mad at me. 

Maybe I'll just ask him later in the week, like if he doesn't eat at Friday's Potluck. Yeah, that's what I'll do! 

•°•

Change of plans, Eddie isn't coming to the Potluck. He said he got the flu, but I don't believe that for one second. I know Eds, and he's not the type of person that gets sick. He always makes sure he takes meds so he doesn't get a stomach bug or a cold or the flu. 

"Earth to Richie!" Stan said and waved his hand in my face. We were baking some food together for the potluck, but my mind keeps wandering off to Eddie. 

"Oh, sorry. I'm just distracted..."

"About what?" 

As per usual, Stan is investigating every little detail of my life. He's been trying to figure me out since 8th grade, but he's told me on numerous occasions that I'm a "difficult person to figure out". Whatever that means. 

"It's nothing Stan." 

"Really? 'Cuz you keep zoning out..."

Maybe I should tell him. He's always been great at figuring things out (except for me apparently), so maybe he'll know what going on. 

"It's just that... Eddie's acting weird."

Stan tensed up next to me. Does he know something I don't? 

"Weird how?"

"He wasn't eating when I visited him, not even the brownies! And those are, like, his favorite food in the world!"

Stan let out a deep sigh before turning to me. 

"I'm sure it's nothing Richie. He probably just ate a late lunch. Or he had a stomacheache, I don't know. But I'm sure he's fine. Don't worry too much about it, ok?"

"Ok," I said and went back to making the food. "I'm just worried, ya know? I just want to make sure he's ok." 

"I get it. I feel the same way about Bill," he turned and winked at me. "You know, Bill. The love of my life."

God, Stan is such a prick. He knows I love Eddie, all of the Losers do. Apparently, it's "super obvious" and "everyone knows". Well, everyone except for Eddie. He's such a clueless gay. 

Anyways, Stan and I kept talking and cooking until the other Losers showed up. The Potluck was fun, yeah, but it was missing something. It was missing my Eddie Spaghetti.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Eating disorders  
> Mentions of: abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm

*Eddie's POV*

Danny told me I couldn't go to the Potluck tonight. Even though most of the bruises had healed and I actually felt up to going out, he didn't give me permission. 

So here I am, looking through old photos while Dan's at work and all of my friends are hanging out with each other. 

"He's such an idiot..." I mumbled to myself as I picked up a picture. It was from the summer after It came. Richie had gotten a huge growth spurt and he towered over me, which he took to his advantage. He would always sneak up behind me and mess up my hair. 

In the picture, we were in the clubhouse. It looked like Richie had just made another stupid joke. I was rolling my eyes and he was resting his arm on my head. 

••flashback••

"Fuck off Richie!" I said laughing and pushed him away. "You're an idiot Richard Tozier."

"You're beautiful Edward Kaspbrak." he muttered. I pretended like I didn't hear him, but he hadn't said it that quietly and everyone heard. I turned away, trying to hide my blush. 

I walked towards Stan, who was standing in the corner passing out the 'Spider Caps'. 

"How's it going with your boyfriend Richie?" he smirked and handed me a shower cap.

"I don't know, how's it going with your boyfriend Bill?" I nudged him as his face turned bright pink. 

"Shut up," he said and looked down. "Seriously though, what did Richie do this time?"

"What else does he do besides make jokes about fucking my mom?"

"Nothing much." 

••flashback over••

I sighed and flipped through the other pictures. Most of them were at the Quarry or in the clubhouse. We didn't really go anywhere else in Derry. Sometimes we went to the arcade, but Richie didn't really like going there a lot after It came, which was weird at first. Nobody asked him about it though, we had just assumed he didn't like arcade games anymore. 

But I remember, about 2 years after It, right before school was starting, Richie climbed into my room through my window. 

••flashback••

I watched as Richie tumbled to the ground from my window. 

"Fuck! Shit, ow that hurt." he whispered quickly and stood up. "Remember a couple years ago when Connor Bowers came here for the summer? Henry's cousin?"

"Um, I guess?" I mean, we were too busy fighting a demon clown to talk to him. None of the Losers even met him I don't think. 

"He's moving here!" Richie whisper-yelled and looked at me with fear filled eyes. 

"Ok...?" I don't know what the big deal is. 

"Shit," Richie said, a look of recognition on his face. "I never told you guys. I never fucking told you." He turned away from me. "When the team got back together, it was to save Bev. By then, it didn't seem important." He sat down on my bed and ran his fingers through his greasy hair. "Holy shit." Richie turned to look at me, finally. 

"Richie, what's going on?" I said and sat next to him. "Are you ok?" He let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. 

"No. No, I'm not fucking ok. You guys don't know about what It did to me! You saw the leper, Bev had the bloody bathroom, Stan got the flute lady, Bill saw Georgie, Ben had his experience in the library, Mike with the butcher. But you guys just thought nothing happened to me?! Of course something happened!" 

"What? Why didn't you tell us?" I asked, not realizing how freaked out Richie was. He looked over at me, his face pale and sweaty. 

"You really wanna know? Fine, I'll tell you. I'll just tell you everything, it doesn't even matter anymore! I'm fucking gay, ok?! And Henry saw me playing Street Fighter with Connor. And he called me all of these names, so I ran out to that bench by the Paul Bunyan statue. And It was there. And he tormented m-me and h-he t-told me th-things," Richie was sobbing now, but I didn't comfort him. I was just frozen in place. 

Richie's gay? Why didn't he tell me, I came out to everyone during the blood pact. He knew I would accept him! 

"And I w-was scared b-because Derry's sh-shit and everyone is homophobic a-and I thought you g-guys would ditch m-me and It would t-take me a-and nobody w-would care and-" I pressed my lips to his, but he didn't kiss back. 

He's not kissing back. Oh fuck, he's not kissing back. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes you Eddie! Oh shit, I messed everything up. 

I pulled away and started apologizing frantically. 

"I'm sorry Richie, I just thought 'He never shuts up, maybe this will make him stop talking! And I've liked you for a while, but I just never admitted it, I'm sorry Richie!" 

"Eddie..." 

I couldn't bare to look at him. I knew he would hate me for that. Tears sprung to my eyes and I shut my eyes tightly. 

Suddenly, his hands were cupping my cheeks and his lips were on mine again. They were chapped, and I could feel his heart beating out of his chest. It took a millisecond, but I missed back. 

I felt...complete.

••flashback over••

I wiped away the tears I hadn't realized fell. I loved him back then, but Richie was still scared to come out. He told me that as soon as he told the Losers, we could go to a big, fancy dinner. 

But that day never came. More and more people started calling him names because of Connor moving to Derry. He told everyone what happened in the arcade and everyone started to bully Richie. 

So, he got a girlfriend. I knew that he didn't have any feelings for her, but they kept dating until we moved to Bar Harbor. 

Then, I met Daniel, and we've been dating ever since. I guess my feelings for Richie went away within the 3 years he dated that girl. 

And Richie doesn't like me any more either, or else he would've asked me out once we moved here. He had 2 or 3 months before I met Danny that he didn't do anything. So he obviously doesn't like me anymore. 

Obviously.


	8. •8•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Talk of abuse

*Eddie's POV*

"1 new message." The robotic voice and the answering machine said as I got dressed. 

"Hey Spaghetti Head, I'm gonna pop by at around noon today. I haven't seen you in a while, so I thought we could hang out. By the way, this is Richie. See ya then Eds!"

Oh shit, I thought to myself and I looked down at my bruised body. Dan had a bad day at work yesterday and took it out on me. He told me that I couldn't see anyone in my condition, not realizing how suspicious it is that I can't hang out on a Saturday. 

I looked over at my clock. 11:49. It's too late to cancel, he's already on his way over. So I walked into the bathroom and tried to cover up the marks with concealer. 

I kept doing that until I heard the doorbell ring. I walked downstairs and opened the door. 

"Hey Eds!" Richie said and gave me a big hug. It felt so amazing to have someone hold me like this. I forget the last time Dan hugged me just because he wanted to. It was usually to apologize for a bad beating. 

"I brought, drum roll please..." Richie said as he walked inside with a plastic bag. "Supplies to make spaghetti with a meat sauce! Since you're Eddie Spaghetti, it seemed reasonable for you to eat it."

"You goof," I laughed and started taking out the ingredients. I started cooking the meat while Richie set up a pot of water for the pasta. 

After a little while, the table was set, the meat was cooked, the pasta was ready and all that was left was putting the sauce in with the meat. Richie started draining the pasta and I grabbed one of the jars of sauce. 

A sickening crack. Tomatoes splattering our feet. Glass scattered across the floor. 

I looked down in fear at the broken jar on the ground. Tears welled in my eyes and I curled into myself. 

"I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me. It was an accident Danny, I didn't mean to, don't hit me again. I'll go upstairs and wait for your punishment, I'm sorry." I rambled and ran up the stairs. I started sobbing and I grabbed the knife from Danny's dresser. I guided the blade across my stomach, pressing down hard. Blood dripped out and I layed down on my bed, waiting for whatever Danny had in store for me. 

*Richie's POV*

What the fuck just happened?! I was about to make a joke about Eddie dropping the sauce when he started apologizing? He called me Danny and said "Don't hurt me again". Again. 

Is...Is Danny hurting him? My heart dropped at the thought of Eddie's boyfriend, who he's been dating for 3 years, abusing him. 

That doesn't matter right now, what matters is that Eddie is upstairs panicking. I walked towards the sound of his sobs until I got to his room. 

When I walked in, Eddie was crying on his bed, blood seeping through his shirt. 

"Richie?" he looked over at me, obviously confused. 

"Eddie, what just happened?" I said in the softest voice I could. 

"I dr-dropped th-the jar. S-so Danny-" he stopped mid-sentence, finally realizing what's going on. "Nevermind" he squeaked out and quickly walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

"Eds, please tell me what's going on. I can help!" 

"It's nothing, I s-swear!"

"Eddie, it's obviously something. You ran upstairs asking me not to hurt you AGAIN. Is Danny hurting you?" I asked, really hoping the answer is no, but knowing it's probably yes. 

"N-no?" he said in a timid voice. I sighed. 

"That's not an answer Eds..." 

I heard a shaky sigh from the other side of the door. There was some shuffling around and then he was opening the door. Eddie stepped out, shirtless. 

Bruises, cuts and scars littered his entire body. The ones on his wrist caught my attention. I wondered if Danny had made them or Eddie. 

5 red, bumpy circles were on his hip. A cigar maybe? 2 or 3 were on his collarbone. 

On his stomach was where most of the cuts were. There was a new one, the one Eddie had just made. 

There were too many bruises to count. Some of them were fading and yellow, but most of the splotches covering his body were dark purple. 

Eddie was shaking harder now. His face was twisted in pain. It hurt me to see him like this. I just wanted to hug him, but I didn't want to hurt him anymore then Dan had. 

Daniel. I swear to fucking god, I'm going to murder that son of a bitch. Eddie was the sweetest, most generous person you would ever meet. Dan should be GRATEFUL to have him! And this is how he treats Eddie?! 

"I'm sorry Rich." Eddie's tiny voice cut through my thoughts. I forgot everything from before and pulled him into a loose hug. He flinched, but hugged back. God, he's so skinny now too... 

"Eds, don't be sorry. This isn't your fault, ok? Dan is a dickwad, you don't deserve this." I didn't care that Eddie's blood was staining my shirt. 

He grabbed a towel and led me to his bed. I pressed the cloth against the cut and he started telling me everything. 

"It started about 7 months into the relationship. We had just moved in, and we were having a movie night. I dropped the popcorn, so he hit me. I tried to tell him that I was breaking up with him, but he didn't listen. He made me feel like I didn't have a choice. So I let him do it. I mean, I deserve it anyways."

"Eddie, no. You don't." 

"Whatever... Anyways, it kept happening. He would make one cut for each mistake" His hand brushed over his stomach. "Most of them have faded by now though. He would force me to do...things and he wouldn't stop if I asked him to." 

That made my blood boil. I hated thinking about the person I love having sex with someone besides me. But he was forced into it?! I don't even know what to say anymore. 

"He loves me though." Eddie turned to me with his wide, doe eyes. "I know he does."

"Eds, I-"

"Eddie, I'm home! Why is there sauce on the floor?!" 

Eddie looked at me with scared eyes and quickly put on a new shirt. We ran downstairs. 

"Hey Dan!" I said cheerily, trying not to murder him on the spot. 

"Richie," he said in a monotonous voice. Rude. Dan turned to looked at Eddie, who was trying to put on a brave face. "Why is there sauce on the floor?" Before Eddie could I answer, I did. 

"Silly me, I dropped it. I'm such a clutz. We went upstairs to clean off the sauce. That's when you came in." 

"Ok then. Richie, I got off work early, I hope you don't mind that I want to spend time with my boyfriend. Alone."

"I can take a hint, I'm the third wheel here. Nice seeing you Dan. Bye Eddie." 

And, even though I really really didn't want to, I left.


	9. •9•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Abuse  
> Implied rape  
> Mention of self harm  
> Eating disorder

*Eddie's POV*

As soon as Richie closed the door, Dan turned around, rage in his eyes. 

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Dan growled at me and I whimpered. 

"N-nothing, I promise!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! You're acting like a little slut. I think you need another lesson." 

Dan grabbed a knife from the silverware drawer and walked towards me. He grabbed my arm and squeezed it harshly. I wanted to scream and run out the door, towards Richie. He was probably long gone anyways though. 

Danny's grip on my arm tightened and he pulled me towards him. I stumbled and he spit in my face. I almost puked, practically feeling the germs spread across my face. 

"You're so pathetic." he snarled and dragged me up the stairs. 

"D-Dan I promise, n-nothing happened!"

"Yeah, right! I totally believe that!" he yelled sarcastically. 

He threw me against our bedroom floor and kicked my stomach, opening the fresh cut that had just stopped bleeding. I let out a chocked sob as he grabbed his knife and lifted up my shirt. 

He sliced along that cut, pressing deeper than he ever has before. Then he cut against the rest of my scars, opening every single one. 

The blood started pooling on the floor and I black dots started fogging my vision. I felt myself being lifted from the ground and into the bed. Oh great... 

I don't remember much after that, but I knew what had happened. This isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last. 

When I was finally fully awake, I saw that Dan hadn't cleaned the blood off the floor. Why would he, that's my job. But dried blood is so much harder to clean than regular blood, ugh. 

I heard the TV on downstairs, Dan must be watching something. He'd want to know I'm awake though. 

I thoroughly cleaned up all of the blood and walked downstairs. Once I saw the coldness in Dan's eyes, I curled into myself. He's really mad... 

"H-hi Danny..." I timidly approached him. "I'm s-sorry."

"Sorry's not good enough," he growled and I shrunk into myself even more.

He turned off the TV and stalked towards me. I felt my breath speed up and then hitch when he grabbed my shoulder tightly. I flinched, but I couldn't move away, his grip on me was too strong. 

Suddenly, an awful streak of pain climbed up my stomach. I looked down and saw all of those cuts Danny had made were bleeding again. His hand was in a fist and he had some of my blood on his knuckles. He had punched me yet again, but with all the new cuts, it hurt so much worse. 

Dan brought his knee up so it hit me in that same spot. I could feel my eyes tearing up and my lip quivered. A sharp sting spread through my cheek. 

"Don't cry, you fucking wimp."

*Richie's POV*

What do I do?! Eddie's being abused?! I swear to God, Daniel is going to PAY for what he did! 

I shouldn't have left Eddie alone. What if Dan blames him for the sauce spilling and hurts him?! 

I need to tell someone. I feel bad, and I know Eddie won't like it, but I have to. I don't what else to do. 

Then I remembered something. When Stan and I were baking yesterday for the Potluck, I mentioned something being off with Eddie. Stan tensed up. Maybe he knows! Yeah, that would make sense of why Stan wanted to talk to Eddie alone at the hospital. It's because he wanted to make sure Eddie wasn't there because of Dan. 

As soon as I got back to my apartment, I called Stan's home number. 

"Denbrough-Uris residency, Stanley Uris speaking."

"You don't have to be formal Stan, it's me, Richie."

"Hey Rich, what's up?"

"Bill's at work, right?"

"Yeah..why?" I could hear the suspicion in his voice. 

"Can I come over in, like, 10 minutes?"

"Richie..." he sighed. "I know it's hard seeing Eddie dating someone else, but I'm in a committed relationship with Bill. I'm not going to hook up with you so Eddie gets jealou-"

"JESUS FUCK STAN, that's not what I was saying! I just want to talk to you about something private, so I didn't want Bill to hear!"

"O-oh sorry," he laughed awkwardly. "I just assumed, since you were acting so shady."

"Don't worry, I know how faithful you are to Billiam. And anyways, I wouldn't ask you if I wanted to hook up with someone to make Eds jealous." I teased. I heard a fake dramatic gasp on the other side of the line. 

"I'm offended! I consider myself handsome-ish!"

"Whatever Stan the Man," I chuckled. "I can come over though?"

"Yeah! I'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

•°•

*Stan's POV*

As the clock kept ticking, I got more and more nervous. Why does Richie want to speak with me alone? Does he know about me cutting? Oh shit...what would he do to me if he does know? 

"Yo, Stan!" Richie said as he walked through the front door. 

"Hey Richie. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Nah, I'm good," he said and walked over to me. His face was a little pale and he looked slightly clammy. I swear, if he gets me sick... "Anyways, I know that you know something about Eddie."

My heart dropped to the floor. I really hoped Richie wasn't talking about Eddie's self-harming. He made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone about him cutting. After talking with Richie yesterday and just looking at Eddie's size, I could tell he wasn't eating. I know the signs for starving yourself all too well... 

"What do you mean?" I tried to play dumb. 

"Don't play dumb with me Uris," Shit. "I know something too. But you have tell me your thing first, because if I'm wrong about this being the same thing, I'm in a shit load of trouble. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but you know it, so it's ok!"

"Richie, he made me promise not to tell anyone either, I can't tell you."

"See, it must be the same thing! He couldn't have TWO giant secrets, this has to be the same one!"

"I guess...we'll say it on the count of 3 ok?" 

Richie nodded his head. 

"One... 

Two... 

Three!"

"Eddie's hurting himself!"

"Dan's abusing him!"

A/N shoutout to my irl friend oLiViA for texting me these iconic lines because she's a stan of this book:

•°•

NO FUCK DAN

MURDER DAN

REDDIE WEDDING

END OF STORY 

Olivia tHe pLoT

THATS THE NEW PLOT 

•°•

MAKE EDDIE STAB DAN

FUCKING DO IT

AND THEN RICHIE AND EDDIE FALL IN LOVE WHILE COVERING UP THE MURDER

Olivia no, Eddie is too baby for that

HE'S VICIOUS BABY NOW

•°•

Dan: "h-"  
Me: "IF U EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT MY BABY I WILL MURDER YOU"

•°•

Thanks for those oLiViA 😌


	10. •10•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Talks about abuse and self harm
> 
> PS: Pretty shitty chapter, sorry. My dad told me I'm a disappointment because I'm always sick, that's why my writing isn't as good today. Thanks for reading anyways!

*Stan's POV*

"Dan's doing WHAT to Eddie?!" I screamed at Richie, but he just looked at me with heartbroken eyes. 

"Eddie's hurting himself?" he asked, his voice quiet and cracking. 

"Yeah, now tell me what the FUCK that MONSTER is doing to Eddie!"

"I can't tell you!"

"You already did, idiot!"

"That's not my fault, I thought you knew!" He sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands. "Eddie's gonna kill me for telling you."

Oh shit, he's right. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, and neither was Richie. If Eddie find out we both broke our promises to him, we're toast. 

I walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Richie. 

"That's not important right now, we'll apologize later. What's important is that we figure out how to get Eddie away from that shitbag."

"You don't understand," Richie looked at me with sad eyes. "He still thinks Daniel loves him. He thinks everything Dan does is because he loves him. Eds is convinced that this will pass."

"How long has it been happening?"

"It started 7 months into them dating."

"Shit..." They've been dating for 3 years. YEARS! After all of the bullshit with Mrs. K, Eddie doesn't need this. 

"That's probably why he's been doing all of those things to himself." I thought out loud. 

"What is he doing exactly?"

"Oh...he's definitely been cutting himself, and there's a lot of evidence that he's starving himself too."

"I hugged him when he told me about Dan. He felt so much skinnier than he ever has." Richie added. "He doesn't fucking deserve this!" He yelled. 

"I agree. We need to figure out how to help him, and quickly."

*Eddie's POV*

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. Dan's words from yesterday echoed inside my head. Everything he said about me being useless and worthless is true, obviously. 

Then I remembered something; Richie knows. 

Fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck shit fuck fuck fuck damn it fuck he KNOWS! 

He's gonna tell someone, I just know it. But nobody else can know. All of the Losers will hate me. They'll ask me why I stayed with Dan, but they won't understand my reasoning. Richie didn't. 

I know Dan loves me. Everything he does is just to make me better. Richie doesn't get it, and none of the others will either. It doesn't make sense to them, but it makes perfect sense to me. 

I ran my hand gently over my stomach. Ridges littered the skin, each one reminding me that I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. 

Tears started streaming down my face. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me. I know it. He's trying to help me improve myself. I'm too fat, so he makes me starve myself. And it helped, I've lost a lot of weight! I deserve pain, so he gives it to me. And it helps because...uh...I don't know. 

But it's ok! I'm ok. Everything is ok. Right? I mean, I'm in an amazing relationship, so why wouldn't I be ok? 

It's not like Dan wants me to get hurt, he just knows it's the only way I'll learn my lessons. Besides, I'm used to it by now, so the lessons don't bother me anymore. 

Well, there are some times when I don't need a lesson. Like when he has a bad day at work, so he hurts me. It's not my fault his boss was a dick to him. So why do I need to pay the price? I'm sure there's a valid explanation though. He wouldn't make me suffer just because he wants to. 

I'm kind of scared though. I mean, we've been dating for 3 years already. He's probably going to propose soon. That means I'm going to spend the rest of my life in pain... 

What am I talking about?! As long as I learn my lessons and stop screwing up, he won't hurt me! I just need to be the perfect boyfriend, then he'll stop. And everything will be alright again. So I won't spend the rest of my life in pain.

Besides, Richie probably won't let me get married to Dan if he's still hurting me. He'd object at the wedding and tell everyone what Dan's been doing. But then Dan will hurt me for telling Richie... 

This doesn't even matter yet. If Dan proposes to me, it's because I don't make mistakes anymore. He won't marry someone like me, who messes up all the time. So until I become perfect, we're not getting married. 

Do I even want to marry him? I know he loves me, but I don't know if I love him. Everytime he hurts me, the love fades a little bit more. And he's beat me countless times. 

But of course I love him! On days when I don't mess up, Dan's the best boyfriend ever! I love that part of him, just not the other part. 

I wipe my tears away and clear my thoughts. I don't need to worry about any of that. What matters most right now is that Richie knows. And I have to do everything I can so NOBODY else finds out.


	11. •11•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Abuse

*Eddie's POV*

"C'mon Rich, pick up..." I muttered as the phone kept ringing. 

"Hey Spaghetti Man, is everything ok?" I let out a sigh of relief once he answered. 

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just, you can't tell anyone about yesterday, ok? I don't know what Dan would do if he found out people knew..." Images flashed in my head. I shuddered and kept talking. "You haven't told anyone yet, right?"

"Nope! The only person that knows is me!" Richie said quickly, his voice cracking. I felt all of the blood drain from my face and my knees felt weak. 

"Richie, I can tell you're lying. Who'd you tell?" I asked, frustration and fear filling me. 

"Nobody, I promise!" His voice is too high pitched, he definitely blabbled to someone. "Listen Eds, you know me. Would I ever do something like that to you?"

"Not on purpose. But you don't know when to stop talking! I'm not mad, I just need to know."

"Eds..." he let out a shaky sigh. "Stan knows."

My heart dropped. Stan already knows about me cutting. He can't know about this too. I must seem like such a freak to him... 

"N-no..." I muttered. "N-not Stan, he'll tell B-Bill and Bill will t-tell Bev, who'll tell Ben, who'll tell M-Mike and th-then everyone will kn-know!" I was too busy freaking out to realize Dan had opened the front door. "Richie, wh-why th-the FUCK would y-you tell Stan?!" 

"I didn't mean to it just slipped ou-" All of a sudden, the line went dead. 

"Richie? Rich are y-you there?!"

"What did he tell Stan?" A dark voice boomed in my ear. I turned around and saw Dan, who was pressing down on the "end call" button. 

"N-nothing, we were g-going to surprise h-him with a birthday p-party, but Richie s-spilled the beans." I chuckled nervously. "Like, come on T-Tozier, how d-dumb can you b-be!"

"Exactly. How dumb can you be?!" he screamed and grabbed my throat, lifting me off the floor slightly. 

"D-Dan!" I clawed at his hand, but his grip was too tight. "L-let go!"

"Did you fucking tell Tozier about our little lessons?!"

"N-no, I promise! I w-would never!" I said, struggling through each word. I could barely breathe as his grip tightened. I chocked and start squirming. 

"D-Dan..." I whimpered, starting to go unconscious. 

Suddenly, I was being thrown against the wall. The knob of the door was digging into my back, but I was just grateful he let me breathe again. 

"D-Dan, listen to m-me, he doesn't kn-know!" I sobbed to my boyfriend as he stormed over to me. 

"Don't talk back to me, freak!" Danny said and kicked my stomach. "Even if you didn't tell him, you still deserve this!"

"I kn-know, I deserve all of this, everything y-you d-do!"

"Damn right." 

He started dragging me up the stairs and towards our room. I need my inhaler. I haven't used one in 3 years, ever since we got here, but right now, I need it. 

Danny interrupted my thoughts by shoving me on our bed. There's only bad memories in this room now. I hate being in here. But it's not like I can object to any of this. He would just hurt me more.

He took off my shirt, revealing all of my scars from either a blade or a cigar. Dan grinned, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was more like an evil one, almost as if he liked doing this. But I know that's not true. He doesn't do this because he wants to, he does it to teach me a lesson. 

Danny pressed him lips firmly on mine and I could practically taste the alcohol. I started to squirm away, but I knew I wouldn't get out of his harsh grip on me. 

Then Dan stopped in his tracks. He's never done this before... What is going on inside his head? He looked down at me. 

"You're so pathetic."

He grabbed both of my wrists in one hand. Danny was a tall guy, almost 6 foot 2, so he has really big hands. But when he did that, it made me realize how scrawny and thin I've gotten. I really should eat more... I haven't had an actual meal in 6 days now. I'll try to eat tonight, if Dan let's me. 

He pulled me off the bed and towards...the closet? What is he doing? 

The door was opened and I was thrown into the small, dark room. Danny slammed the door and I heard the lock click into place. 

"You're gonna stay in there, no food, only one cup of water a day. You're not getting out until I decide you can."

"D-DAN, PLEASE LET M-ME OUT!" I yelled, pounding on the door. He didn't respond, he just started walking away. 

I started to hyperventilate. Knowing Dan, he's not letting me out for at least a week. I'm gonna be here for a while...


	12. •12•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Conversion therapy

*Eddie's POV*

I woke up the next morning feeling scared and sore. My body aches after everything Dan's done this past week. And I'm terrified about being left alone in this cramped closet, with no light except for the tiny sliver coming from under the door.

I look over and notice a glass of water next to me. Dan must've brought it in when I was sleeping. He's being a douche right now, but he's smart. A person can only go 3 days without drinking, so he's giving me water. But no food, as people can go 3 weeks without eating. 

I took a small sip of the drink, slightly soothing the burning sensation on my neck. I don't have to look in a mirror to know that it's bruised. I can still feel his grip, firm and deadly. I thought I was actually going to die... 

But Dan would never hurt me that badly where I could die. He loves me so much, I know it. But I need to learn my lesson because I keep messing up. 

A faint pounding started me. It sounded like it was coming from downstairs, but Dan already left for work. He leaves at 5:30 AM every morning, so by the time I wake up every day, he's already gone. 

"Eddie, are you home?" a voice called. Stan. He can't be here. He'll see me and judge me even more than he already is. 

"Spaghetti Man, we just wanna talk!" Richie's here too. I still can't believe he told Stan... "Please let us in?"

I honestly wish I could. Maybe then, they could see how bad it's gotten with Dan. How he's forcing me to stay locked in a CLOSET. Kinda like how my mom did, metaphorically. 

I never told the Losers WHY my mom gave me the "gazebos". They just thought she was crazy. But I know the real reason... 

They were supposed to fix me. I came out to her in 7th grade. She didn't accept it, telling me that being gay is a sin. She's not even that religious, but she still told me that it's "against the word of God". 

So every day, she forced 9 pills down my throat. And 3 times a week, I would see a doctor, Dr. Hartley. He would tell me that I was wrong, all that bullcrap. I knew that they were wrong, but that didn't help the "treatments".

One time, it got bad, really bad. I had doodled a picture of Richie and I in my notebook. In the drawing, I was curled up in his arms and he was kissing my forehead. 

My mom found it, but luckily she didn't realize it was Richie. All she cared about was that it me with another guy.

She took me to Dr. Hartley, who gave me a large, blue pill. I swallowed it dry, thinking it was just another gazebo. But I started to feel tired and dizzy. Dr. H led me into a back room I'd never been in before. There was a large machine in the room and a small bed. 

I wandered onto the bed, feeling like maybe a nap would help me. But I couldn't fall asleep. 

I felt restraints being tied to my wrists and ankles, but I didn't think much of it. I felt too tired to think. Dr. Hartley put something in my mouth and told me to bite down if I needed to. 

He hooked up two rods to my head and started asking me questions. Even though I was drugged up, I still remember everything he said to me. 

"So, Edward. You haven't stopped your feelings towards people of the same gender?" 

I shook my head, unable to speak because of the thing in my mouth. I suddenly felt a sharp, almost electric pain in my head, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. It's probably just a headache because of the meds. 

"Do you have feelings for people of the opposite gender?" Dr. H asked with hope in his voice. I spit out the rubber thing in my mouth. 

"Nah man, I'm hella gay." I said and laughed. Dr. H frowned and shoved the thing back into my mouth. I felt another shock go through my head, more painful that the last one. I started to think that maybe that wasn't a headache... 

This kept happening for a while. I would go to therapy to talk once a day, and on Wednesday night, I would get shocked. But I never told any of the Losers. They would've just looked at me like I was a wounded puppy, and that would hurt more than keeping a secret. 

So yeah. My mom metaphorically kept me in the closet and Dan physically kept me in a closet. It's kinda funny if you think about it, I guess. 

"Eds c'mon, open the door! I'm sorry, just please let us in!" Richie called out. I had almost forgotten they were here. 

"Richie, I don't think he's home." Stan sighed. 

"He's supposed to be home at this hour...but I guess you're right. We'll come back later." 

There was a short pause, then I could hear a car starting up and driving away. 

*Richie's POV*

"Stan he was SUPPOSED to be home! What if Dan did something to him?!" My worried voice filled the car as we started driving away. 

"I'm sure nothing happened Richie. He's probably just asleep, or shopping, or out doing something with Dan."

"I guess you're right... I'm just worried about him."

"Obviously," Stan chuckled. "You've been in love with him for forever." I shoved Stan, feeling my face heat up. 

We kept laughing and joking for the rest of the car ride. But there was still this nagging voice that's telling me Eddie isn't ok. And I'm really starting to believe it.


	13. •13•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
>  Self hatred  
> Talk about eating disorders  
> Talk about self harm   
> Talk about suicide

*Eddie's POV*

Day 3  
I was able to find a flashlight a couple minutes ago. I turned it on and it worked! So I started looking around the closet and found some art supplies, including a notebook and a pen. I'm just gonna write since I have nothing better to do. 

Poem #1:  
Your hair is winter fire  
January embers  
My heart burns there too

JUST KIDDING! Oh my gosh, that was a funky year... 

But seriously, Ben had ONE conversation with Bev and wrote a fucking poem for her about how he loves her. 

And then Bev was all like "Omggg it's from Bill" -_-

Day 4  
I'm actually gonna try to write something, I don't know if it's gonna be good... 

Haiku #1:  
I'm such a screw up  
But you're so amazing  
I just want to die

That's depressing...just like me! 

Funny thing is, when I was writing that, I wasn't thinking about Dan... I was thinking about Richie. 

Not Richie now of course. I was just thinking of the old times back in Derry. When we were trying to date in secret, but it didn't work. 

I mean, it's not like I still have feelings for him. 

Day 5  
I'm kinda getting hungry. Even though I don't eat much, I try to have one meal every so often. So yeah, I want food. 

I WANT food. That's crazy to think about. I should never want food. I'm already fat, and it's not like I deserve to eat anyways. 

I really hope nobody finds this notebook/journal thingy. Stan and Dan can't know about my "Reddie" past. Richie can't know about my eating issues. The other Losers can't know about ANY of this. Those are the only people in my life who care about me. 

I've tried to make friends here, but it's hard. They'll be like "What was your childhood like?". What am I supposed to say to that?! 

"Oh, so my mom abused me mentally and physically. She forced me to take medicine and she made me go to conversion therapy. Because I'm gay. Which still isn't really accepted. 

And I can't forget about the summer going into high school! A demon clown tried to kill my friends and I and all of the kids in the town. My friend's brother, Georgie, was eaten!"

They'd just think I was insane and try to bring me to a mental hospital...so yeah. No friends. 

Day 6  
I'm still getting water every day, but I really need food... 

Shit, I think someone's coming. What if it's the Losers?! And they see me like this, and they judge me, and Dan yells at me for telling them, and-

The door slammed open and I shut my eyes. It was so bright outside, and the only light I've gotten for the past week is the yellow-tinted glow of the flashlight. 

"I decided to give you some food," Dan grunted and threw a box at me. "You're welcome." 

"Th-thank you so much D-Dan!" I said while opening up the box. He didn't answer me, just closed the door shut again. 

Inside was a piece of dry, cold chicken, some strawberries and a couple stale crackers. It might not be the best quality, but I'll take what I can get. 

I took a small bite of the chicken, savoring the minimal flavor. It was so good to eat, but I knew my stomach would get upset if I ate everything, so I just kept taking the tiniest bites of chicken. 

After I was done, I closed the box and put it in the corner. I'll save the rest for later. I don't know the next time I'll get to eat, so I have to proportion it. 

I turned the flashlight back on and set it up where it would shine down on the notebook. I picked up a pen and the book and started writing again. 

Haiku #2:  
Scarce food for Eddie  
But I guess he deserves it  
Cuz he's fat enough

This time, I decided to write it in a 3rd person point of view. Again, another depressing one, but that doesn't matter. Dan gave me food!!! I'm super happy. Hopefully he lets me out soon. 

I miss talking to the Losers, especially Richie. He can always make me laugh, even when I'm feeling down. So I know he could help right now. 

Day 7  
I didn't have any of the food today. There's 3 crackers and 5 strawberries. EIGHT pieces of food!! That's awesome!!! But I still need to save them. 

Also, I'm feeling kinda sick from the chicken. I hadn't eaten in a week, so having food in my stomach felt weird. 

But ya know what? This is good. I deserve this... 

Anyways, I wrote down some funny stuff that the Losers have said. I think that if there's a really bad day in here, I can just look back at these pages and feel better. 

Richie: FOUR MONTHS  
Me: Stan, what's he talking about?   
Stan: It's nothi-  
Richie: YOU LET ME WATER A FAKE PLANT FOR FOUR MONTHS

Richie: People are like slinkies  
Me: How?   
Richie: They're pretty useless but you can always have fun pushing them down the stairs   
Me: Richie, no-

Richie: *Richie walks up to Stan with his camera* Smack cam!  
Stan: Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you'll be a dead son of a bitch I'll tell you that

"Not only am I baby, but I'm also a dumb fucking bitch!" I said that one after Richie kept calling me baby. 

Richie: Eddie, I guess you're pretty fuckable.   
Me: Thanks..?   
Richie: BUT I'D LOVE TO FUCK YOUR MOM MORE! 

Richie: *sneezes*  
Someone: Bless you  
Richie: Oil me up Daddy! It's dinner time and I'm a little soup boy. Chompa chompa. 

I laughed as I wrote down all of it. As awful as Derry was, the Losers still made it great. I really miss them. 

I haven't been to the Potluck in 2 weeks. That's the time when we can goof around and act like little shits. It's amazing...but I haven't been able to go. 

Every day I'm in here, I lose more and more hope. I just want to die. I'm actually nervous about when Dan let's me out. I haven't cut in a week, and the urges are getting stronger. I don't think I'll be able to resist the temptation once I'm out. 

Dan hates how I am. Richie and Stan must think I'm a freak. The other Losers would too if they knew. I'm so fucking worthless. 

I wiped away the tears that had fallen down my cheeks. Picking up the notebook and pen with shaking hands, I wrote down one last sentence. 

I'm going to kill myself as soon as Dan lets me out.


	14. •14•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Talk about weight loss and abuse

*Richie's POV*

"Hello?" Dan's rough voice crack through the phone. 

"Hey, it's Richie! I was wondering if Eddie is home? He hasn't talked to any of us in, like, a week."

"Probably because the six of you are annoying little shits." He said and hung up. I sighed and turned to the Losers, who were all at my house. None of us have talked to Eddie in a week and he hasn't come to the Potluck in 3 weeks. 

"Nope..." I said. "He's not talking." 

While the other Losers sighed and turned away, Stan shot me a concerned look. I could tell we were both having the same thought. 

What the hell did Dan do? 

I need to talk with him in private, but I can't sound suspicious... 

"YO, STAN! HELP ME COOK, I'M SHIT AT COOKING!" I screamed frantically and speed-walked into the kitchen. Stan came in a couple seconds later. 

"Real smooth Tozier," Stan chuckled. "But seriously. You think this is because of Dan?" He whispered. 

"Why else would he ignore us for an entire week? And I know this has to be something different than if usually is. If he didn't want us to see the bruises, he would still call us. But he hasn't gotten in contact with us at all!"

"Shit...do you think Dan, like...drugged him or something?"

"I really don't know. But it's Tuesday, so Dan has work all day today." Eddie and I would always hang out on Tuesdays. I thought it was just because that's when he was available, but now I think it's because that's when Dan can't get mad at him. 

I feel so shitty for not noticing sooner. Now that I know, everything about their relationship is shady. How Eddie always leaves the Losers without an explanation. How Dan never wants to talk to us. It's all so...weird, but none of the Losers said anything about it. 

"You want to break into their house because Dan won't be home?" Stan asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Yeah. I mean, if Eddie is drugged or something, he'd still be at the house. It's our best option right now."

Stan took a moment to answer. 

"I'm in."

*Eddie's POV*

I heard the doorbell ring, waking me up. Who could possibly be here on a Tuesday? 

"Richie, you idiot. If Eddie is drugged or something, he's not gonna be able to answer the door!"

"Stanthony, I'm just making sure Dan's not home! Just in case." 

Oh jeez...its my 2 favorite dumbasses. But the 2 people in the world I want to see least. 

I heard keys rattling. How did they get keys? 

"How did you get keys?" Stan asked, practically reading my mind. 

"Please. Eddie has been keeping his house key in the same place since he was 11."

I mean, he's not wrong. If anybody knows me, it's Richie. I think he knows me better than I know myself. 

I smiled at the thought as the door creaked open. I could hear my friends walking up the stairs and I started getting more and more nervous. 

The truth hit me like a bullet. Dan locked me a closet with barely any food or water. For 9 days. Richie and Stan are gonna find me. They'll think that I'm so weak for not protecting myself. 

But I need them to find me. They need to get me out of here. I can't keep living like this! 

So with all of my strength, I moved towards the closet door. I weakly pounded my fists against the door, but it was barely audible. I had gotten so weak and small in the past week... 

"Help! Guys I'm in here!"

"Stan, I think I hear Eddie..."

"Me too. EDDIE?!" 

"H-help, please!" I cried out to them. Tears streamed down my face. They have to find me. If they don't, I don't know what I'd do.

"I think he's in their room." Richie said and I heard his feet running closer to me. Their footsteps were getting louder and hope was bubbling in my chest. 

I heard the bedroom door open. 

"Eds, are you in here?!"

"I'm in th-the closet! Pl-please, get m-me out!"

The door knob rattled, but it was obviously locked. I heard Richie and Stan stumbling around, trying to find the key. 

"GOT IT!" Stan yelled. I heard the key jam into the lock and light swarmed my face. Warm arms embraced me. For the first time in a while, I felt loved. 

*Richie's POV*

Stan opened the closet door and I could see Eddie's small figure huddled in the corner. We ran towards him and hugged him immediately. He was cold and shaking in fear. 

He's so much skinnier than he ever has been before... I wonder if Dan even fed him when he was in here. 

Also, who the FUCK locks their boyfriend in a fucking CLOSET for over a WEEK?! I swear to God, I'm gonna fuck this man UP. 

I picked up Eddie, mentally noting how fucking light he was. I didn't want to know how much he weighed, I think the answer would make me sick. 

Gently, I put Eddie on the bed. He was shaking so much, and I could tell he was getting uncomfortable. 

"I'm s-sorry guys..." Eddie said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Eds you don't have to be sorry. This isn't your fault." I said. "It's that douchebag Dan's fault."

"I can't stay here," Eddie said even quieter. "He'll hurt me for getting out."

"You can stay at my place, ok? Everything's gonna be ok Eds. I promise."

"I think you should tell the Losers," Stan said suddenly. "They can help. Mike's the smartest guy I know, he'll know what to do. And it's not like any of them will judge you."

Eddie looked up at us with fear in his eyes. 

"Pl-please, don't make m-me tell them. They'll think I'm w-weak for n-not defending myself..." He paused for a moment, then continued. "J-just like you guys d-do."

"We don't think you're weak Eddie!" Stan said and grabbed his hand. 

"Eds, we love you. We would never think anything bad about you." I held his other hand and blushed slightly. I didn't mean to say the word 'love', but I mean it. I really do love him. 

Eddie let out a shaky sigh and nodded. 

"Now, let's get some food for you, Eddie Spaghetti!"


	15. •15•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Talks about abuse and eating disorders

*Richie's POV*

I popped in some Bagel Bites into the microwave and sat down next to Eddie on the couch. Stan sat opposite us on a chair. 

"So, what exactly happened?" Stan asked. Eddie visibly tensed up, but answered. 

"He heard me talking to you," he looked at me. "On the phone. About how Stan knew."

"Shit..." the boy across from us muttered. 

"So you can guess that he didn't like that very much." Eddie laughed, but it was filled with pain, not humor. 

"Dan locked me in the closet. One cup of water a day. No food. 7 days." Eddie shuddered, obvious remembering the isolation. "He did give me food actually, even though he said he wasn't going to. A piece of chicken, crackers and strawberries. I didn't finish it though. I didn't know when I was getting out, so I tried to save it."

"Holy fuck Eds...I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." I said and held his hand tighter. His eyes popped open in fear

"He's gonna kill me. I told you guys, and you got me out of the closet... When I go back, he's gonna fucking kill me."

"You are NOT going back there!" Stan yelled. 

"We're not letting you anywhere near that shithole Eddie." I nodded along. 

"Guys I have to go bac-"

Eddie was cut off by the microwave. He flinched and curled into himself as the loud beeping filled my apartment. 

"It's just the Bagel Bites Eds." I smiled and rubbed his back. He gave me a soft smile and uncurled himself. 

I stood up and walked back into the kitchen, resting my hands on the counter and sighing. Stan walked up behind me. 

"What the hell are we gonna do?" I asked quietly, not bothering to turn to face him. 

"I don't know...but did you see how small he is? That can't be healthy."

"That's why we got the best thing in the world- Bagel Bites!" I grabbed the plate and handed it to Stan. 

"Ugh, these are NOT the best things in the world." Stan said and stuck out his tongue. I looked him dead in the eyes. 

"Get out."

He laughed and brought the food out to Eddie. When we got back to the living room, he was fast asleep. 

"He's so cute when he's sleeping." I muttered. 

"Richie...that's kinda gay." 

"That's the point, dumbass," I giggled. "We should let him sleep, he's probably really exhausted."

"Yeah. But as soon as he wakes up, we have to convince him to tell the Losers."

•°•

*Eddie's POV*

I woke up feeling like absolute shit with Richie watching TV next to me. 

"Morning Spaghetti Head!"

"Morning... wait, morning?! I slept all day?" 

"Yeah," he laughed and stood up. "You want breakfast?"

"No." I lied. I didn't deserve to eat, I had betrayed Dan. My stomach grumbled and Richie looked at me suspiciously. 

"2 waffles, coming right up!" he said and put Eggos into the toaster. I sighed. 

"So Eds, what do you wanna do today? Friends marathon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon or South Park marathon?"

"Hmmm...Buffy!" I love that fiesty gal. 

"Ok Eds. How are you feeling?" 

"Not good...do you have any pain meds?" 

Richie nodded and went into another room. I just sat there, listening to the hum of the toaster. I really didn't want to eat, but I knew Richie would want me to. 

He came back a couple minutes later a bright red pill and a glass of water. After grabbing the Eggos, he came over and handed me everything. 

"Tylenol. It should help." I smiled softly and thanked him, swallowing the pill easily from practice. 

I really hate taking pills nowadays. It just reminds me of my mom and eveything that happened in Derry. 

Richie walked over to the tv and popped in the taping of Buffy. He grabbed a bag of chips for breakfast and started munching away as the show started. 

"Into every generation a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the Slayer!" Richie and I chanted along to the intro. 

I started cracking up and Richie chuckled, looking at me with an expression in his eyes. I didn't know what it was. Nobody's ever looked at me like that. 

I felt myself blushing and I looked away. 

"You know, I'm gonna call it now." Richie said suddenly. "I know the show's only gone on for a couple months, but I think Willow's gay."

"I was thinking the same thing! She just kinda gives off that vibe."

"Exactly! You get me Eds."

I don't know why THAT made me blush, but it did. My cheeks heated up and I looked down at my uneaten Eggos. 

"Aren't you gonna eat, Eddie?" 

No, YOU'RE gonna eat Eddie. 

I started cracking up at my own joke. Richie stared at me like I was insane, which made me laugh more. 

"Holy shit," I laughed, wiping my tears. "My mom was right. You are a bad influence on me."

A moment passed before a look of recognition fell on Richie's face. 

"Dear fuck Eddie! You're so dirty!"

"I'm not! Your mom, on the other hand, is." 

"We need to stop hanging out...but seriously, you should eat."

The giddy feeling from a couple seconds ago was gone. 

"I'm not hungry Richie." I whispered. 

"Eds...you have to eat. You haven't had a proper meal in over a week! C'mon, just one? I'll have the other." He grabbed one of the waffles off my plate. "We'll eat it together, ok? That'll make it easier."

"O-ok. Thank you Richie." I picked up the remaining Eggo and started nibbling it. 

"No problemo Eddie Spaghetti." Richie smiled and took a bite of the Eggo. 

The theme song ended and we turned our attention back to show.


	16. •16•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Reddie fluffy angst   
> Talks about abuse

*Richie's POV*

I sighed in relief as Eddie started eating his waffle. We watched Buffy being a badass for a while. Since Eddie had been in the closet for a whole week, he missed this week's episode, "The Dark Age" season 2 episode 8. 

But when I brought it up, Eddie said that he's only seen the first episode, the one I showed him. Dan doesn't let him watch tv, apparently he has "better things to do."

So, because I bought season 1 and I taped all of season 2 so far, we started at the very beginning. Stan called me about halfway through season 1. 

"Hey Richie! Is Eddie ok?"

"Yeah Stan, he's ok. He ate a little bit this morning, so that's good, right?"

"Very good, yeah. Call me if anything happens, ok?"

"You got it Stanthony."

He groaned at the nickname and hung up. I laughed and walked back to the couch. 

"Wait, so Xander is a hyena?!"

"Well, no not really. He just turned into a hyena because of a magical curse. He got it along with those other kids at the school field trip to the zoo."

"You're quite a fan I guess." Eddie giggled. I blushed and looked down. 

"Hey, don't be embarrassed! It's cute."

Well THAT didn't help my blush. My face flushed again and Eddie's cheeks turned pink. But he didn't take it back, we just kept watching. 

"C'mon Willow! Don't flirt with Xander, you're G. A. Y." Eddie exclaimed as the episode kept going. 

"Yeah! Honestly, who cares about Xillow or Xuffy, the best ship is obviously Wuffy!" 

"YES!" Eddie cried and turned to me. "Wuffy is the fucking BEST!"

"I knew you'd like Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I said and put my feet up on the ottoman. "You're only 6 episodes in and you're already obsessed."

Eddie giggled and put his feet up too. 

"What can I say? You know me better than anyone else does." He looked at me with wide eyes. "You really do."

"Th-thanks..." God dammit, I sound like Bill. This guy's got me wrapped around his finger. 

Wait. Did he just-... no. He couldn't have just done that... right? Did Eddie Kaspbrak just look at my lips?! 

For a guy that's never been good at flirting, there's no way he could've been that smooth. That's my job! 

HE DID IT AGAIN! Holy shit, what do I do? Should I kiss him? I really want to, but he's still technically dating Dan. And what if he's just looking at some food on me? 

I glanced down at his lips. His eyes fluttered a little bit and his face turned beet red. He started to move in, ever so slightly, but it happened. 

He closed his eyes and moved closer. Holy shit, this is actually happening... 

I led my hand up to his cheek and closed my eyes. Our lips barely touched and I already knew this was the best decision of my life. 

*Eddie's POV*

Dan's gonna hurt me so much, but I don't care right now. All that matters is that Richie is about to kiss me. It doesn't matter that when Dan finds me, he'll beat me within an inch of my life. 

He kissed me and holy fuck, his lips are chapped. Like, this is amazing, and I feel so much better than when Dan kisses me. But Trashmouth needs chapstick.

His hand felt so warm against my cheek, which was probably bright red. I smiled into the kiss and turned my head slightly, deepening the kiss. 

I always thought that Richie moved on, hell I thought I moved on. Apparently not. 

I still love him. 

Back in Derry, he was the one I would turn to. When my mom would shove pills down my throat, I would cry into his arms. He always made me feel safe, even if I really wasn't safe. 

And all of those stupid nicknames that I pretended I hated, but they made my heart soar. 

I love him. 

But I can't. Dan would kill me if he knew what was going on right now. And I would probably let him, I want to die anyways... 

Dan loves me. I can't hurt him like this. So, as much as I hated to, I pulled away from the kiss. 

"Wow...just, wow." Richie muttered and stared at me with lovestruck eyes.

"Richie, I love you. I always have, and I always will. But," I sighed and stood up. "You deserve so much better than me. Dan knows it, I know it, and you need to know it too. I'm sorry."

With that, I walked out of Richie's apartment and back to mine and Dan's house. 

*Richie's POV*

I called after Eddie, but he's gay. He walks so fast. By the time I got to the door, he was long gone. 

There's only one place he could go right now; Stan's house. He couldn't go to any of the other Losers because they don't know about Dan. And he wouldn't go back to Dan's. So I quickly dialed Stan's phone. 

"Denbrough-Uris residence, Bill Denbrough speaking."

"Hey, it's Richie. Is Stan home?"

"Yeah Rich, one sec. Lemme go get him."

A minute of rustling around passed and Stan was at the phone. 

"Hi Richie, what's up?"

"Eddie left. I think he's coming to your house."

"Oh, ok! I'll keep an eye out for him. Why'd he leave?"

"I'll tell you later Stan. I just need to know he's ok."

"He'll be fine, I got him Richie. I'll call you after he gets here."

"Ok, thanks Stan."

"No problem."

I hung up and put my head in my hands. I was kissing Eddie, and he just left. 

I just fucked everything up.


	17. •17•

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠TW⚠  
> Abuse  
> Self harm  
> (Neither in too much detail)

*Dan's POV*

"Where the fuck have you been?!" I screamed at Eddie as he walked inside. 

"I don't have an explanation Dan. I'm sorry. I'll go upstairs." He stated with no emotion and walked into our bedroom. 

I'm so pissed at Eddie. He broke out of the closet and left. I had already thought that he had told those loser friends of his. But now I know it's true. Where else could've he have stayed the night? 

He's gonna get hell for telling someone. He didn't tell anyone for almost 3 years, I thought he could handle it. But I guess he couldn't. 

I smirked to myself and walked into the room. I usually heard Eddie sobbing, but this time, he was silent. I guess he finally realized that he deserves this. 

Eddie was sitting on the bed with his head down, no emotion in his face. I raised my fist and brought it down hard on his ribs. I heard a small crack and grinned. 

*Stan's POV*

Ok, I'm really starting to get worried. Richie called me over an hour ago saying that Eddie was coming over. He's still not here. 

What if something bad happened? I know it's silly, but part of me keeps thinking that Pennywise is going to come to Bar Harbor and torment us again. Bill wakes up every now and then, shaking and crying. Him and Bev probably have the worst memories. Bev, because she was stuck in the deadlights, and Bill because of Georgie. 

He still thinks it's his fault. He'll say "I should've gone out with him that night" or even worse, "It should've been me." I love him so much, and it really hurts when he says he wishes he died instead of his brother... 

The phone starting ringing, and I really hoped it was Eddie. I answered, but I didn't get a chance to speak before a certain Trashmouth started talking. 

"Is Eddie there? You never called me back."

"He never came."

"He-...WHAT?! Where is he?"

"I don't know! I was going to call you and see if he came back to your place."

"He didn't. What if he was leaving and Dan saw him?!"

I could feel the blood drain from my face. I was too worried about a fucking clown to remember the real monster here- Dan. 

"We're going to their house- now."

•°•

"This was a shitty idea. Dan's obviously gonna see us!" Richie said as I pulled into Dan and Eddie's driveway. 

"It's 'going to' Richie, not 'gonna'."

"Fine," he huffed. "Dan is going to see us! And it's not going to help Eds when Dan kills us for knowing about their secret."

I sighed and parked the car. The lights were on, but Dan's car wasn't here. 

"Is Dan even home?" I thought out loud. 

"I don't know... How about this: we go knock on the door. If Dan's home, we'll just ask if Eddie's ok. Play dumb, ya know? If nobody answers, we go inside."

Nodding my head, I started getting out of the car. Richie followed my lead and we walked up the front steps. 

Richie rang the doorbell. The sound echoed through the seemingly empty house. Minutes passed and Richie looked at me. 

"Guess we're breaking in, Stanthony."

He grabbed the key, which was still in the same place, and unlocked the door. 

"Eddie?" he called into the house. "Are you in here?" 

"Up here." A small, timid voice called out from upstairs. Richie and I bolted up the steps and walked into the bedroom, the door still open. 

The flickering lights illuminated a figure huddled in the corner of the room. 

"Eds," Richie gasped and ran over to Eddie. I quickly followed. "What happened?"

"After I left, I came back here. I knew I needed to get punished for what I did." Eddie said, keeping a straight face. 

"Eddie, you don't deserve that." Richie said, pulling him into a tight hug. Eddie hugged back and started to cry. "Ew," Richie said and pulled away. "Why are you, like, soaking wet?"

Eddie's eyes darted away from us and I turned to Richie. The back of his jacket was doused in blood. Red handprints patterned the fabric. 

I turned my attention to Eddie, who was wearing a black, long sleeve shirt. 

Blood doesn't show up on black clothes. 

I already knew this, I'd always pick black shirts after cutting. Just in case the cuts opened when I was hanging out with the Losers. 

"Richie, can you walk away please?" I asked quietly. Eddie looked at me with terrified eyes. He knew that I knew what was going on, and I think he's scared I'm going to hurt him. 

"What?! No, I'm not going to leave my boyf-...uh, BEST friend who's on the verge of a panic attack!"

"Richie, please." I said calmly. Richie huffed and walked out the door. 

I slowly walked closer to Eddie, not wanting to scare him. 

"Eddie...can you lift up your sleeves please?" I whispered. He shook his head quickly, and I could see tears start to fall down his cheeks again. 

"I need to help clean the cuts. Please, I promise I know what to do," I laughed darkly. "C'mon, let's go to the bathroom."

I held my hand out for Eddie and he hesitantly took it. I led him to the bathroom and got a disinfectant from under the sink. 

I poured some of the liquid on a cotton ball and lifted up one of his sleeves slightly. Eddie flinched and I held his hand. 

"I'm not going to hurt you Eddie. I promise." I said softly. Eddie nodded and I pulled up the sleeves all the way. 

All of the cuts were deep and all of them were gushing blood. Eddie's lucky he didn't nick a vein with all of these cuts. 

Gently, I pressed the cotton ball against one of the cuts. He took a deep breath in, but didn't move away from me this time. 

I kept doing this on both arms until the cuts were all cleaned out. I grabbed bandages and started wrapping his arms. 

When I finished putting everything away, I heard a small sniffling. Eddie was crying again, and it really hurt. He was one of my best friends, I couldn't bare to see him hurting. 

I hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around me, starting to shake slightly. 

"You're ok now," I whispered in his ear. "We've got you Eddie."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading even though it's shitty :p


End file.
